So, it's about 1 am here in Phoenix and, to quote Bob Seger, I'm thinking "about the woman, oh the girl [I] knew the night before." The fact of the matter is that what's making me think about her at this hour is knowing her birthday is essentially Halloween and she stressed that I attempt to come out of my Halloween hiatus and actively pursue a Halloween costume rather than my standard "badass motherfucker" (aka me in casual clothing) this year.
Ironically, I quit on the occasion that I, inspired by a cracked article, went about as The Dread Pirate Roberts at one point from Rob Reiner's The Princess Bride, taking the advice that it'd get me laid. While I at this point believe it's going a bit too close for comfort with you unknown readers if I just say the result, I will say a side-effect is that I largely got mistaken for Zorro instead (Probably because I am Arab and as such very clearly not Cary Elwes). Add that to the childhood shock I got everytime I saw a costume of the two most-frightening elements of my early nightmares: The Cryptkeeper and Freddy Krueger, and I just gave up on it.
God damn you, Batman!
Now, a girl has made me change my mind... Yeah, go ahead and make that whipping gesture. Brand me too, because the circumstances are more pathetic. The fact is that deep inside, I've always wanted to go back to taking part in such a fun venture but the way my family/culture raised me, my preference to keep my own persona intact at all times, the above incidents, the lack of money or resources, all pointed me to just avoiding it. But I've already thought it through and decided "Yes, this will be fun."
So, as I watch G.W. Pabst's Pandora's Box, a movie with a very amazing costume-juggling and hairstyle character performed perfectly by Louise Brooks (a suggestion to all you ladies out there who like to knock-out the old-fashioned), I come to my list of costumes that I think would make a splendid suggestion to myself or my film-viewing peers...
- Max Fischer (Rushmore) - The easy one. Just make a uniform and patch for the character and go about in it. It's not an outrageous character, but the costume is distinctive still in that way Wes Anderson makes his characters distinctive. I'd do Steve Zissou's team as well, since they have a costume worth trying but nobody would recognize that one at all.
- Eric Draven (The Crow) - Besides being the not as epic version of black metal band Immortal's frontman Abbath, Eric Draven is pretty much the one superhero I'd like to go as, and a gothic one at that too. His wrapping in black leather and face paint in order to evoke his soul's pain with black slashes across him and outright evoke the titular animal that revived his life to avenge his and his fiance's murder insists a mood to be reached before attempting to become such a character. He's melancholy in all the attractive ways and still a lover deep inside. It adds a bit of spook to the costume when pointing out the fact that this was the role that killed Brandon Lee (son of martial arts legend Bruce) before he could utilize his showcased talents in this film to kickstart his acting career.
- Mr. Orange (Reservoir Dogs) - If I had the money to ruin a nice black suit, I'd so do this. I'd put fake blood on me, go to a Halloween party (even though I'm not a party guy) and just lie on the floor instead of sitting in a chair in pain. Freak people out? Most definitely. But I'd be having fun and that's the main point, right? As long as I don't scream "FUCK YOU, MAN! I'M FUCKING DYING HERE!!!!", I'm in the cool.
Worst C-section ever... (Okay, that joke is in bad taste)
- Frankenstein/Dracula/The Wolf Man/The Mummy/The Invisible Man/The Creature from the Black Lagoon/The Phantom of the Opera (Universal Studios Monsters) - Ranging from the impossible to the minimalist, these movie monsters were real cinematic attractions to my young eyes and I love to tribute them in any way possible. The only tough thing (other than making the costumes) is figuring which one to choose. Dracula, with the luxurious aristocratic look of his count status, has always been my favorite, but I have been recently taking a liking to Lawrence Talbot aka The Wolf Man, the fuzzy evil teddy bear look getting ready to tear you to shreds. Though I have yet to see it (a fact I intend to change soon), The Invisible Man's iconic sunglasses with head wrapped in gauze to allow his presence known and have some kind of a dialogue with the characters is easy to try (unless there's more to the costume I unaware of yet). Ugh, even the Creature from the Black Lagoon is crazy awesome. Of course, I'd have to bring a date as The Bride of Frankenstein.
- Jeffrey "The Dude" Lebowski (The Big Lebowski) - Oh, do shut up, you guys saw this coming. It's one of only two fictional characters I ever aspired to be like. The Dude is less likely for me given my infamously violent and and angry persona, but he's just so enlightened and funny and cool as a person from everything to his beard, his appetite for White Russians to his robe and his laziness. Everything's alright when the dude's around. That's why the Dude's a boss. Who doesn't want to be the Dude? Go away.
Also I get my own dance with it.
I call this move Logjammin', asshole!
- The Cowardly Lion (The Wizard of Oz) - I don't know, I just love the big fuzzballs. Chewbacca, The Grinch (Jim Carrey's version, though Boris Karloff's voice is easily classic), they all just get to me no matter how mean they act. The best part about The Cowardly Lion is you know up front what's up with him, it's just an act. He's just looking for some bravery. While others line me up for the Tin Man, I must say The Cowardly Lion is my favorite character in one of my favorite movies. And that little bow on his head after the people of Oz are done grooming him is so adorable... Did I lose my mean motherfucker status yet?
Just the dandiest king of the forest!!!
- A Ghostbuster (Ghostbusters) - Doesn't matter which character. I'd be myself but I'd be running around with a proton charger assuring everyone they're safe because I'm a professional. A goddamned Ghostbuster. Fuck superheroes, they're too perfect and alienated from society (unless you count Spider-Man but his relation to real society is through his problems not his personality. He invents web-shooters, dammit!). A Ghostbuster is the movie's central working man focus. People have firefighters, they have doctors, they have police officers and then they'd need to have a neighborhood Ghostbuster. Who's afraid of ghosts?
- Alex DeLarge (A Clockwork Orange) - I believe I would be biased. As a drummer, my two biggest influences are the late groove-master John Bonham of Led Zeppelin and right below him the infamous genre-versatile Mike Portnoy of Dream Theater/Liquid Tension Experiment fame (now involved in the great bands Adrenaline Mob and Flying Colors). Portnoy takes great pleasure in his work, especially tributing his idols like Ringo Starr (The Beatles), Keith Moon (The Who), the afore-mentioned Bonzo, and, possibly his outright God, Neil Peart (Rush). I am proud to say I have a DVD of one of his tribute performances - Hammer of the Gods, the one for my favorite band, Led Zeppelin. In it, Portnoy dresses as one of the Stanley Kubrick film's sadistic Droogs and I don't why he did it, but I liked the style and I immediately wanted to do that outfit despite the Droogs being horrific in their deeds for the most part. Yeah, okay, hate me... It's a movie costume for a non-movie related reason. I'm a sucker for Mike Portnoy and Led Zeppelin, when the two are mixed together, I am their Droog now and forever.
- Doc Emmett Brown (Back to the Future) - Well, I had to imitate him for a school project favor I was doing for some classmates. Which is great because while everybody wanted to be Marty McFly, I wanted to be Doc Brown. He's wacky and off his cranium that he was just fun to want to be. He made science more than fun than almost anybody... ALMOST anybody, you're still in the STinG's childhood hall of fame, Billy Nye. So I wouldn't make it a secret that any chance to be Doc Brown for Halloween would elate me significantly. In fact...
I'm already halfway there.
- Jake and Elwood Blues (The Blues Brothers) - Icons that were really really cool to watch and even more cool to dress as. Unlike the Mr. Orange one, I wouldn't have to ruin the suit, but I will have to get a stylish hat and another friend who can evoke John Belushi's most lovable, commanding, seductive convict. They're soul men. They're on a mission from God. And they're a good role model for the children. In the immortal words of Ol' Dirty Bastard, The Blues Brothers is for the chillun'.
- Bill S. Preston, Esq. and Ted "Theodore" Logan (Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure) - I had flirted around with this possibility with another metalhead I knew but we eventually avoided it as it'd have been a bitch and a half to find the dated outfits required and we also were stuck in argument as to who gets to be Ted (I guess we all love Neo, don't we?). So that never came about, but I never lose hope. Also, the bigger incentive to me is just having those clothes, because I not be wearing them solely on Halloween. That's a style you don't see anymore and it ended before my time so I'd really love to get my own shot at it. Despite the strange looks. Hey, be excellent to one another!
So narrowing down my choices to those, which out of these costumes did I select? Well, in truth... none of them... Suckas...
- BONUS: Jesse Custer (Preacher comic series) - Essentially, I decided THIS is the one I'm going as. With the Dude being the film character I wish to be like, Jesse Custer is the only OTHER fictional character I'd love to be. An ass-kicker who doesn't take any shit, always wins a fight and yet is still deep inside a romantic who would do anything for his girl whom he loves "until the end of the world", Jesse Custer is the ultimate man. He's had more shit thrown at him than Job and yet doesn't not lose who he is and is nowhere near a pathetic character. He just keeps on his spiritual and physical journey pretty much, through all the horrors, the worst of American culture and human society. He knows he'll get an answer for them soon enough. Utilizing an eyepatch for when God bites his eye out halfway through the series, while grabbing a reverend collar and other casual effects and growing my hair back to its semi-curly glory, I won't get any recognition for my character, but walking around as my favorite comic book hero is satisfaction enough. And it may be cheating because he's not a movie character (yet), but it's well-known I've always intended to make this series into a mini-series. That is if Warner Bros. doesn't utilize their owning of the DC properties to make it first, since the film rights pretty much exist in Time Warner's hands. Regardless, I won't go as a badass motherfucker, so I compromise as THE badass motherfucker. Not much of a change?